Year in review

It's the last day of the year and ironically, this will be my 100th blog post! Who knew when I started this that'd I'd really keep it going this long. But it really has been a positive in my life, giving me an outlet for my thoughts and some positive feedback that has encouraged me to keep focusing on my writing and given me confidence.

As I look back upon the last year, I have to say that all in all, it was a good one. Some of the highlights:

-I was a stay-at-home mom for an entire year! Wow. I had no idea I'd ever be a stay at home mom, let alone for a year, so I consider this a blessing and a treat. Now that I have some perspective (and a new job), I can honestly say that I am glad for how things happened, despite the stress that came along with the circumstances of being laid off.

-I got a new job for 2012! Finally, after months of searching, applying, interviewing and getting rejected, I landed a shiny new job that starts January 3rd. There is something about starting a new job in a new year that just feels right. And its a part-time job that will hopefully provide me with that elusive "balance" that I strive for - time for myself and for my kids and home life.

-I started a freelance writing career! One by one, through old colleagues or other random contacts, I picked up clients who actually wanted to pay me to do what I love - write. Its been an amazing experience and I plan to keep it up and see where it takes me. Someday, I may even get the guts to really start my own business full-time but for now, I'm happy with doing this on the side on my own time. 

-I've developed some amazing friendships. One of the best parts of this past year has been the time I've had to devote to friendship. My kids and I have reaped the benefits of these friendships through lots of playdates and adventures. 

-We spent lots of time at the beach. I took full advantage of not working and having access to a free place at the beach.We spent many family weekends at the beach as well as a nearly two week stint with the girls and various visitors. It was a blast and we made many memories.

-We enjoyed the holiday season. The holidays this year have really been special, thanks to the girls' excitement and enthusiasm. From Halloween to Christmas, we've enjoyed many special events and experienced the real magic of the season.

-I got through the baby stage intact! I feel like I have cleared a major hurdle at this point, and am fairly on top of my parenting game. The ages 1 and 3 were adorable but HARD, and I am loving this 2 and 4 thing. The girls are sleeping well, playing together, understanding rules and just generally easier to handle and more fun. I love watching Big A grow independent and become her own person; it truly takes my breath away sometimes. And Little A is the perfect foil to Big A's big moods. She is easy-going and has a great sense of humor and she adds joy to every day.

All in all, its been a great year and I'm really looking forward to 2012. I'll start a new job and Little A will start school, while Big A adjusts to a longer school day. It will be interesting to see how my perspective changes as I join the working mom ranks again. I feel a little apprehensive, but mostly I feel ready for the challenge. I think we're all up for it. Hope you'll join me for some more adventures on the other side of the fence.

Happy New Year!

Shhh...

I've been hesitant to write about this topic, but its too exciting not to share. I just don't want to jinx anything...

My girls have been playing together - a lot. And it.is.awesome! This morning alone, they have been playing (loudly) in the basement for over an hour with not a peep needed from me. Incredible! The payoff of two kids is here! Of course this is not 24/7, but its becoming more and more frequent and I am absolutely loving it. Not only because I can get so much done while they play, but also because I can hear how much fun they are having as they develop their friendship and it brings back fond memories of doing the same with my sister.

We played Barbies and school and rollerskating around the basement and Michael Jackson records for hours and hours and it was so much fun. Of course, she will tell you that when we played Barbies, she made me be "poor" while she got all the good Barbies and the one Ken doll and got to be rich. And when we played school she was the teacher every time and bossed me around. And when we listened to Michael Jackson, she might interrupt me to say "Go get me a snack - boss's orders" and I would listen.

Somehow I've blocked out these memories and only remember having fun. Watching my girls play together makes me hopeful that they too will enjoy a lifelong friendship and funny (differing) memories and someone to call five times a day and answer the phone with "WHAT?" They'll have someone to tell them they're being bitchy and to talk about their crazy parents (that would be us) and just in general, to go through life with. And in the meantime? I get some peace and the best kind of non-quiet...the sounds of two sisters laughing, pretending and just generally having a ball.

Sis and I pregnant together 

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah, blog readers!

We've been celebrating for a while now, first with a family party a couple of weeks ago, then with our annual extended family party, and last night "officially" with latkes, the menorah and gifts for the girls.

 

While we were making the latkes, which surprisingly turned out great, Big A told me that I was a good cook. I said her not really and she told me to "keep trying, Mommy, and you'll get better." Good advice from a 4 year old, I must say.

 

This year's most-wanted items included a miniature sandbox for Big A and a babydoll that plays peek-a-boo for Little A. Both girls loved their presents. Us parents scored too -- J got a new iphone (see ya in a month, hubby) and I scored a new laptop which was much needed as our computer is from 2004 - which is like 1861 in computer years. Wow, computers have come a long way!

 

One holiday down, one to go! Hope everyone out there has a wonderful season.

 

Proof that I've used our stove

 Tearing into the sandwich game

  

Leaping over the fence

This morning I put on a new dress, carefully did my make-up and took extra care with my hair. Big A watched me intently. "You look pretty mommy," she said. "Thank you," I told her, "I have an interview today." She pondered this for a moment. "So you have to look extra pretty?" she asked. "Yup, then maybe they'll give me the job."

Well 6 hours later, after said interview, the phone rang. Wait for it...I got the job!

When I first saw the ad for this job, I got a "feeling" - a this could be it feeling. I applied and waited. I talked to J about it for some reason even though all I'd done was apply. Then a month later, I got a call. An interview! I went in for an interview with a panel and a writing test. It went great. One week later they called to say there were checking my background. TWO weeks later they called to schedule a second interview. And finally, one HOUR later, they called to offer me the job. All in all, the process took nearly 2 months. I guess good things do come to those who wait.

Without going in to too much detail, I'll be working in education doing marketing and best of all, its part-time! I'm hoping it will give me a good balance of work and time with the girls. I'm also juggling a few freelance projects and will see how that fits in to the mix. A lot of changes are coming. It will be a great way to start the new year.

Tonight we were driving home from a playdate, talking about my new job and Big A said, "Mommy, make sure you look pretty when you go to work, so you don't lose this job too." Ah ha - so that's where I went wrong last time. Guess I'll be spending a little extra time on the grooming. Who knew.

Boobies

So today while Big A was in art class (which she is loving by the way), Little A and I ran over to Kohl's to look for an outfit for some meetings I have Thursday. I wandered back to the undergarment area and was flipping through some bras when Little A started shouting "Boobies, boobies!" and poking the bras. Apparently she thinks bras are called boobies, and it wasn't really the place for a lesson, so I just kept trying to hush her. Not to be stopped, she kept it up and then decided it would be really fun to drop some "boobies" on the ground. Like a whole rack of them.

I quickly gathered my selections and we went to the dressing room. "Mommy pretty. Mommy boobies. Mommy butt. Mommy NAKED," she shrieked loudly. Not sure what actually fit, I hightailed it out of the store. (And for the record, NO, I was not naked!)

Tonight I was putting my purchases away and had hung my two new bras on my dresser. She came in the room and said, "Mommy, two boobies! One for you and one for Daddy!"

Oh lord.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

How's it going up there at the North Pole? Hope you are having an enjoyable holiday season. I just wanted to send you a quick note with a few minor requests. Thanks in advance, old guy!

First, I would really, really appreciate it if you could somehow see to Little A's constantly dripping snotty nose. It's really gross. Yesterday in the middle of a store, she announced to me, "Mommy, I'm eating my snot!" - loudly. And sure enough, she was. She also likes to wipe it on the couch, my shoulder, my pant leg and any other surface within reach. Its really gross. Did I already say that?

Second, I would love it if you could magically take about 20 pounds off me. Is that too much to ask, Santa? Fine, 15, okay? And no, I am not interested in your "healthy eating plan" or your advice about not scarfing down handfuls of m&m's. And don't tell me to lay off the lattes. I will promise to really appreciate it this time and not call myself a fattie if you do that for me, k?

Third, if you could somehow stop the sibling squabbling, it would be great. I am so tired of the yelling, whining, crying and tattling going on around here. Its getting really hard to muster up enthusiasm over who touched who's two-bit McDonald's toy first. Or to squelch the urge to tell Big A to just hit Little A back already and stop being a wimp.

And if you could turn the 25 minute kid's shows into about 40 minutes, that'd be super. I mean, its for The Children's sake, they just can't get enough Umizoomi and Diego, you know? And its really annoying to have to put on another show when I'm in the middle of internet surfing...I mean doing meaningful stuff.

Also, do you think you could convince my 2 year old that a nap is still a good idea? That would be especially great. The afternoons of tired crying because I looked at her wrong/fetched her apple juice instead of cranberry/didn't play "Mommy" correctly (how is that possible? I am a Mommy)/dared to breathe are getting old.

Santa, one more thing? I hope I'm not asking for too much here, but I know you're such a powerful, handsome man so I'm sure you can handle it. Can you teach my children to wipe their own butts? It would be awesome to only have my own to worry about. Did I go too far, Santa?

I should probably throw in something about world peace here, but I wouldn't want to overload you, Santa. After all, you're only one man.

Merry Christmas!

~Queen A

p.s. Yes, Santa, I am aware that I'm Jewish. I hardly think that is relevant (see "Jesus was a Jewish Carpenter" et al).

They look so innocent, don't they?

'Tis the season

We've had a very holiday-centered weekend here. On Saturday we took a "Santa Express" train ride with a group of friends. The train ride was fun and in the middle, Santa himself (a really poor version) came on board and handed out chocolate lollipops. Today J and his mom took the girls to an Advent event at his mom's church. Not being Christian, I really don't know what that is, but it was great because I got a kid-free morning! And an excuse to put Little A in a very cheesy Santa-themed dress (thanks mom!). Then this afternoon, I got to take Big A to a spa-themed birthday party. I can't believe her classmates are turning 5. Eek. It was pretty cute, although we did learn that Big A seems to be the only 4-year-old that has no clue who Justin Beiber is. I'm not too upset about that...

Speaking of mom, as a Jewish mom, its hard for me to really know how to handle the season. Since J is Christian and we celebrate Christmas with his family, I feel okay with letting the girls believe in Santa and have fun with that. And its really hard to compete with Santa - I mean, a candelabra with 8 candles is just not that exciting. I guess I'm still working out my strategy. As kids, my parents didn't want us to feel left out, so we got stockings on Christmas. We pretended to believe in Santa for a long time in order to keep this stocking tradition alive. On Christmas day, we'd open our stockings, have lots of yummy food all day and play with our new toys and watch movies. It was one of my favorite days of the year. Its really not too unlike how we celebrate now. We spend the holiday with J's family, and I focus on the stockings for the girls - with girls this is really fun since there are multitudes of small-sized girl toys. This year I am introducing Polly Pocket to Big A which is making me WAY too excited. They get presents from the rest of his family and we have a yummy breakfast, play all day and then a big Christmas dinner. Still one of my favorite days of the year.

As much fun as the season is with kids, it is also simply crazy. Just Big A's school schedule alone is enough to drive one nuts. There are deadlines for an adopt-a-family, a lunch with Santa, a crazy sweater day and a class gift exchange. Add in teacher gifts and figuring out the holiday break schedule, throwing in J's schedule too and its enough to make your head swim. I can only imagine this will get more complicated as they get older.

All crazy aside, I'm enjoying the season, and love seeing the excitement of my girls with each event. There is definitely some magic happening here.

The girls on the Santa Express

Santa dress

Big A gets her hair done

Getting her nails done!

Visit from the north pole

Things have been pretty crazy around here. I'm too superstitious to lay out the details, but will let you know as soon as there is some resolution. In the meantime, the holiday season is upon us, and I took the opportunity to "borrow" a friend's great holiday-related idea this past Sunday morning.

I'm sure most of you have heard of "Elf on a Shelf" - the concept is that the little elf watches you and then reports back to Santa each night to tell him if you've been bad or good. Our elf is named "Elphie" - unique, eh? So, the idea is basically to throw a North Pole-themed breakfast to welcome your elf. My niece spent the night this past weekend, so I decided to give the girls a little surprise in the morning.

Each girl had a note from Elphie, a Santa cup, and snowman pancakes. Elfie left little gifts for each of the girls too. There was also "reindeer crunch food," "snowballs," and "reindeer droppings." The reindeer dropping were definitely the hit of the morning. The girls shoveled in as many m&m's as they could before I took the bowl away. And of course there was a visit from Elphie himself:

The other idea behind the Elf is that he hides each morning after returning from the North Pole. Some of you may have heard about the debacle last year when J had the bright idea to tape Elf to the ceiling and in the process, tear off a giant spot of paint. Now we have a "no ceiling" rule for the Elf.

Needless to say, the girls were thrilled with their surprise:

Now Elphie sits on the fireplace during the day "watching" the girls. Yesterday, Big A looked up at him and said, "Why is Elphie staring at me so much?" I looked up. To tell you the truth, the concept is a little creepy. He sits there with a big dopey grin on his face just....staring all day long. In fact, Big A just saw me looking up at him and said "Um, Mommy, he's still watching me." Yup, he is, Big A. Consider Elphie your very first stalker.

(Almond) joy

Tonight I sit warm and cozy on my "spot" - the indented cushion on the left side of my couch. I chomp on a Almond Joy bar from Big A's Halloween basket (yes, we still have candy left! But as you can tell, we're getting down to the z list). Upstairs the 3 people I love the most lay sleeping peacefully -- Little A, Big A and Big J, who who has recently taken up a new workout routine and thus conked out while putting Big A to bed.

I think about all of the things I have to be grateful for this Thanksgiving -- the continued health of my family, the unexpected pleasure of staying home with my kids, the fact that we have everything we need and lots of things we want. An hour ago, I was beat - a long day with the kids had left me drained. With the help of a little time and a little chocolate, the frustration has eased and I think only of the good parts of today. Big A wearing a homemade Indian headband and singing her heart out in her school's Thanksgiving program. Her pure joy at getting to wear a fancy dress to school (finally, mom). Little A's gleeful run down the church aisle as we waited for the program to start. The indulgent smiles of the other parents and grandparents as her curls bounced and her laugh rang out. Two of the cutest little baby butts you've ever seen "swimming" in the bath together tonight. The girls fighting over who got to snuggle (or as Little A says "nuggle") with me during our nighttime show. I am truly blessed.

I'm finding that even when times are tough, I'm amazingly lucky. The other day I was driving home from a(nother) job interview feeling a little sorry for myself. Then I drove by a homeless shelter and noticed some people dragging out trash and my heart suddenly hurt. How could I be feeling sorry for myself when I have so much? I've never known what its like to be truly hungry. I've never been scared that I wouldn't have a place to go at night. I have a safety net that will always catch me.

This season and this year, I vow to remember how lucky I am. To try not to sweat the small stuff. The stuff that is forgotten between bedtime and the end of Survivor. The stuff that does not really matter in the grand scheme of things. Instead I will cherish the little things. Take joy in the moments that I won't be getting back. Enjoy the peace and quiet and the month old chocolate. Think about the laughter and family that will surround me tomorrow. And remember how very lucky I am.

I wish all (okay, all 10 of you) a wonderful holiday season and year ahead, full of laughter, hugs and (almond) joy.

I'm also grateful for holiday sweatshirts to poke fun at.

And leaves to jump in.

A mother's sacrifice

You always hear about how a person has to sacrifice a lot when he/she becomes a parent. You frequently hear terms like "I would die for my child" or "I would do anything for my kids." Of course, I agree with these sentiments, but I was recently put to the test to prove this undying love. I am happy to say that I passed the test...but it wasn't easy.

We were at the diner with my mom for lunch. The food came and I looked down at my plate. A reuben wrap accompanied by a juicy pickle. Yum. I love pickles, and have since I was a kid. They are salty and delicious and make my day. I couldn't wait to take a crispy bite. And then I heard it...

"Mom, can I have your pickle?" from Big A. Then, "I want pickle!" from Little A. The juicy bite flashed before my eyes. This was the moment of truth. When it came down to it, was I really willing to give up my delicious pickle for my kids?

I picked up a butter knife and painstakingly cut the pickle in half. And then?

Well, I gave one half to Big A and one half to Little A. Yes, folks, I made the ultimate sacrifice for my children. I gave away my pickle. And you know what? I'd do it again. Because that's just the kind of mom I am.

Dumbing it down

So I'm trying out a new strategy on the job search front. Dumbing it down.

Lately, my search has strayed away from marketing and into jobs that would allow for more flexibility. After more than a year at home, the thought of going back to the 9 to 5 grind is not that appealing, although of course I'd do it. A lot of these flexible jobs don't require the education/experience I have, but I figured that more is more. And yet, I have not heard a word back from these applications. I was talking this over with J and he suggested making a different version of my resume for these types of jobs. I figured it couldn't hurt.

So today I edited my resume. I took the "M.A." off the end of my name and erased it from my education. I removed some of the descriptions from my jobs and took the emphasis off anything "senior." It was a little painful as that M.A. was the result of a lot of hard work. As I erased it, I thought about my experience in graduate school. Although I enjoyed the experience and learned a lot, I admit I've wondered if it was really "worth" the investment. It also made me wonder if things would have been different if I had skipped it all together. But then I think of those two years of living on my own for the first time and the subsequent two years of living in the DC area with J and I realize I wouldn't want to change all that.

So here I am - one degree down and a few bullets less experience. I'm interested to see if I get any different results with this new strategy. Maybe less is more.

In other random news, I've been procrastinating on updating about my procrastinating. I did cross several items off of my to-do list and have been making a point of clearing out clutter when I see it instead of putting it off. Still need to clean the damn fridge.

ABCs

I was quite impressed when Little A started singing her ABC's the other night, so I had to get it on film. And of course Big A could not be left out, so I got her singing a song she is practicing at school for Grandparents Day at school. Not sure she got all the lyrics right, but she made a gallant effort. Hope this works...

National Procrastination Awareness Week

Did you know it's National Procrastination Awareness Week? What are you doing to stop procrastination, something that affects 5 in 5 Americans today?

Okay, maybe I just made that up, but I'm declaring that in my own house, if anyone wants to join me. I'm determined this week to cross off some of those items that always sink to the bottom of the (non-existent) to-do list. Some of the items I hope to accomplish this week:

-Cleaning the refrigerator and pantry (yuck)

-Catching up on at least a year's worth of filing/trashing

-Finding some way to organize/store Big A's art that she brings home from school and now art class every day - I'm hoping to find some creative ideas on Pinterest for this one...

-Going through the bazillion toys to get rid of the broken and donate the ones we don't use in preparation for the onslaught of new toys from the holiday season

-Go through Big A's craft box to pull out the trash and organize it a bit better so she can use more of the items. I love that she is so into art, but its a messy hobby!

-Clean out all the toys and junk that have collected in our cars. You'd be amazed at the wacky stuff that ends up in my car these days.

If you have any great organization ideas, I would love to hear them! Kids just seem to equal clutter and it is a never-ending battle to keep up with it all. But its amazing how much calmer a house feels when there's a place for everything and everything in its place. I'll keep ya'll posted on how I do.

Those other moms

I've been kinda grumpy lately and am finding myself getting annoyed by little things that might not normally bother me. Not sure why, but I'm finding (some) other moms especially bothersome. I'm a big believer in "to each his own," and yet I can't help but be judgy sometimes about what others do. Not like I'm mom of the year, but damn...

One example is the "natural" mom. I find myself turned off by the attitude of some of these moms as I imagine them judging my juice-drinking, Halloween candy eating kids and feeling superior with their sugar-free, all-organic tots. In reality, I'm sure they don't really care what I do, but I do find myself wondering how we all survived a childhood when "localvore" was not yet a made-up word and Sugar Smacks was a perfectly acceptable option for breakfast. Of course its a good thing that we have the knowledge to make our kids healthier, but the extremes that some moms go to seem too far to me. I also can't help but snicker that these same moms who would no sooner let their angels have a cookie than a vodka shot are probably eating those same cookies behind closed doors after bedtime.

Another annoyance is the moms who talk in baby talk ALL.THE.TIME. And try to make every moment a "teaching moment." I was recently running late for a class and trying to rush when I got caught behind one of these women. The woman let her toddler push the door and elevator buttons while I impatiently waited behind her. "Come on sweetie, push the 2, that's right the 2. No, not that one, the 2. Yes, sweetie pie, that one. Good JOB!" It took all I had not to push the damn 2 myself and make the kid cry.

I know I have to get out of this funk though as my 2 year old is a master imitator. Today in the car, she started yelling out "What the heck CAR! What the heck CAR!" Hey, at least I don't swear. I started laughing hysterically and she told me to "settle down." Out of the mouths of babes.

Really though, laughter is the best medicine for these situations. Every annoying mom out there is just another shot at a good blog entry. Isn't that right sweetie weetie weetie pie?

Sugar sugar

It's that time of year - the 4 month sugar high beginning with Halloween and ending with Christmas. Since having kids, holidays have taken on a new level of importance. And while its fun to experience the magic of the holidays through a child's eyes, its also exhausting. Instead of a single night, Halloween has morphed into a "season" - beginning in late September and ending - finally - on the eve of October 31st. By the time the big day actually arrives, the kids are worked up into a fever pitch. Thank goodness the experience actually lived up to the hype - after all, what is better to a kid then going door to door and recieving free candy? Woo hoo!

Halloween doesn't really end on October 31st though. There is a period afterwards where the days revolve around candy and treats. What meal do we have to get through to make it to the treats? How many more bites of chicken before we can have chocolate?

What is also making me laugh is how different my girls are when it comes to rationing these treats. Tonight for example, we finished dinner and I bribed the girls into helping me straighten by saying we couldn't have candy until the house was clean. After that, I got their bags out. Little A immediately chose the candy laying on the top of the bag and stuffed it into her mouth. She was done in about 15 seconds. Big A on the other hand dumped the entire bag out on the floor and methodically worked her way through it to make the best choice. She held up multiple options and commented on them, relishing in the fact that she had yet to even take a bite while Little A was long done. Finally she chose a pack of gummies. She ate each one with care, occasionally taunting Little A with the fact that she was still eating. By this time, Little A was yearning for another and asked if Big A would share. She wouldn't.

I think I'll give the treats another week or two before they go in the trash or in my stomach, whichever comes first. And then we'll move on to the next holiday. Big A was asking me this morning what was next. I told her Thanksgiving and she asked what we did for it. I told her we went to mom mom's and ate a big meal. "That's it?" she asked? No presents? No candy? I told her she could play with her cousins. "Okay," she said, satisfied. Personally, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days for that very reason. Its just about getting together with family and eating. No pressure (except for the cook, of course, and it ain't me).

Let's not even talk about Hanukah and Christmas. One day at a time. Let the handprint turkey and tissue paper cornucopia begin!

Last dance

Big A has decided she doesn't want to take dance class anymore. I told her that was fine and asked her if she wanted to choose a different activity. She chose arts and crafts, and luckily we were able to find a class at the Y to sign up for which will start next week. So today was her last mini "recital" from her tap/ballet class. She had a nice cheering crowd for her last dance. She may go back to dance at some point, but if not, that's okay too. As long as she is involved and excited about something, I'm happy. Plus, you know, she's only 4.

I think as a parent, you sometimes want your child to either do the same things you did OR you want them to do the things you never could. Well, unfortunately, I have NO athletic genes in my family so I never played any sports. Instead I did drama, student council and the student newspaper. I had a great experience, but I do sometimes wish I could have experienced the camraderie of a team sport. J on the other hand is Mr. Athletic and wants her to play basketball, softball, tennis, golf, swimming and probably wrestling too. Sometimes at night, he tells her to dream of sports and she tells him she's going to dream about princesses, fairies and Barbies. It will be very interesting to see which side of the gene pool wins. Although neither one of us excels at art, so it looks like she may be carving her own path. I'm looking forward to watching her experience what life has to offer and making her choices.

A few pictures of the last dance...

On being a man

There's something I've noticed about men, especially since becoming a parent, that really makes me mad: They don't support each other as fathers.

(There are going to be a lot of generalizations in this post, okay? I know this doesn't apply to all men!)

Yesterday, J and I were at a wedding. An older man, with grown kids of his own, asked J if he wanted to golf the next day. J answered that he already had plans to go to the zoo with the family. It was as if he had told the funniest joke in the book. Laughter ensued followed by plenty of ribbing and jokes about him being "whipped." "You're choosing the zoo over golf?" the man pestered, and it really got to me. Really? This guy had kids of his own - has he really forgotten how special family time is? Or did he just always choose golf over spending time with his own family? Would it really have killed him to just say "Cool, next time"? For what its worth, I happen to know that his relationship with his children is estranged - wonder why?

As I started thinking about it, I realized that women would never do that. I can't imagine asking a friend to make plans and then giving her grief if she told me that she had plans with her family. Of course not, I would say great, have fun, we'll make other plans. Just like that guy should have.

Men should not be embarrassed about spending time with their families. That is part of choosing to become a husband and a father. If they could be more supportive of each other, kids would really benefit. I know that my own girls adore time with their dad. They laugh WAY more than they do with me. Its a different kind of relationship, but one that is special and necessary.

It brings me back to the whole "dad as babysitter" notion that floats around. Nope, dads, its not babysitting, its called parenting, try it sometime.

I just hope that more men can be proud of their families and not think its something to hide or rib their buddies about. Own it, men. Because otherwise? You're just a boy, no matter how old you are.

Fake it till you make it?

I had a job interview today and it didn't seem to go well. It was one of the first interviews that I actually received feedback during the interview, which I really appreciated, but since it wasn't all positive feedback, it doesn't give me much hope either. The interview was for a job at a Big Bank. I think we all know I am probably not the Big Bank type, but I wanted to give it a shot.

Interviewer (let's call him "Ed") kept prodding me about having disagreements at work and how I would handle it. I'm really not a confrontational person, especially in a work setting, so it was tough to think of examples. In his feedback, he told me that the work environment there was "tough" and they dropped a lot of "F bombs" and he wasn't sure I would be able to handle it. I told him I was fine with people using "F bombs" but I'd probably just sit back and laugh, not join in. He smiled at that answer, but it probably didn't showcase the agressive personality he was looking for.

Ed also asked me why specifically I wanted to work at Big Bank and honestly, this was a tough one for me to answer. Was I supposed to say I loved Big Bank and had always been a fan? Let's face it, the job description looked okay so I applied....something I do multiple times a week. I don't own any Big Bank t-shirts or belong to the fan club or anything.

When the interview took a more personal turn, things got a lot better. We chatted easily about our kids, the beach and where we lived. I felt like I was actually being my real self as we talked. Which just goes to show that I'm trying to be someone I'm not with this job interview. On the other hand, its not like I'm in the position to hold out for my dream job at this point. Its a real struggle, but unfortunately, I think that my true feelings must come out more than I intend them to.

On the plus side, he did tell me that I was one of only 2 external candidates selected for an interview out of a huge stack of resumes. That's flattering, although second place only gets you so far.

At the end of the day, its very likely that I won't be getting this job. And that's okay. Its probably not the one for me anyway. Let's just hope that one of these days I'm able to be my true self and get the job.

p.s. I am actually having little daydreams about sending a thank you letter in gangster tough guy speak - you know, to show him I'm no lightweight. Maybe even throw in a "F bomb" or two.

Topsy turvy TWO

We've hit the "terrible twos" ya'll. Except I'm choosing to refer to it as the Topsy Turvy Twos. I'm saving "terrible" for three if Big A is any indication of what's to come.

Little A, like always, has hit this milestone with a vengeance. One minute, she was my sweet, laid-back little girl, the next she's become a bundle of drama with several new tricks and phrases.

One of these is "I do." Sounds simple enough, but can lead to hours of "fun" as she applies the phrase from everything from putting her shoes on to buckling her own carseat to brushing her teeth. I'm glad she is trying to be independent, but sometimes I just don't want to wait ten minutes for her to mash the two buckles together over and over again. When I finally do it because we have to be somewhere, she fa-reaks out. Yelling, screaming and crying ensue and I've learned to tune most of it out.

Another new trick is the all-out tantrum. I'm talking flailing her body onto the floor with force, screaming and crying and then...she breaks out the roll. The good thing is that usually halfway through the roll she cracks herself up and starts laughing. A nice way to end the tantrum without mommy having to step in.

Yet another habit she has is running. When she runs, she looks like a horse on steroids, its sort of a up and down gallop that gets her nowhere fast. Every once in a while, she likes to stop and "jump" which she has just figured out. She doesn't get much air, but she's pretty impressed with herself.

Its challenging entering a stage like this just when you were lulled into thinking things were getting easy. I guess its all part of that parenting thing keeping you on your toes. Also making this stage hard is that fact that she's just too darn cute. Its so obvious that she's just trying to grow up and figure out the world around her. Just wish she would slow down and let me help her!

Happy anniversary?

So. Today marks one years since I was shown to the door at my last job. Wow. In some ways, it has flown by and in others it feels like that was a whole other world. In some ways, I'm so glad it happened. In others, I'm still in shock that it did.

I can so clearly remember the heart drop when I figured out what was happening in that conference room. The drive home when I called J on my cell to tell him my news. The sunny weather outside when I sat on my deck and called my family. Going inside and writing about it on Facebook (ha!) and then going out to a pre-planned dinner with friends that night feeling like it was all just a dream.

In a lot of ways, the past year has been a gift. I've gotten to spend so much time with my daughters. Time I would otherwise not have had. I've gotten to prove to myself that even though I may not be "cut out" for staying home, I have made it work. I've found things to keep us busy and activities that stimulate the girls. I've gone on countless playdates, played at hundreds of parks, had more girls days than I ever had before. Not every moment was full of joy, but I'm glad I had every one of them.

On the other hand, I can't say that the past year has been all roses. There's been a lot of stress too. We lost an income when our lifestyle was based on two. We lost my healthcare and have medical bills for the first time ever. I have been humbled in a way I had never been before. Because life has always come fairly easily to me. At least when it comes to the big things. So to fall victim to this recession and to have it last this long - well, it has taught me that life doesn't always go as planned. Financially, we're behind where we should be and would have been. I've stayed up more than a few nights worrying about this.

But in the end, the good does outweigh the bad. If you offered me $20,000 to give back all of the time I've had with my family, of course I would say no way. (But if anyone wants to offer me $20,000, I'll take it!)

Summer in October

Sometimes you just get lucky.

That's what happened this weekend when a planned trip to the beach turned out to be a nearly perfect summerlike weekend. My sister, her two youngest kids and Big A, Little A and I spent the weekend soaking up the sun one last time. There is just something about kids at the beach that makes you (and them) happy. They were like puppies lapping up the sun. Here some photographic evidence:

There's nothing like a balloon to bring out a smile.

Little A likes candy like a fat kid likes cake...

Little A and her cousin keeping the peace for once.

Bathing beauties

One for the picture books

Now that we've gotten in one last perfect sunny weekend, I'm ready for some cooler temps. Remind me of that when its snowing and I'm bitching about being stuck inside for days on end.

I'm just gonna say it...

In my months of job searching, applying and interviewing I've come to a basic conclusion. People that have jobs treat those without like crap. Generally speaking of course. But over the course of nearly a year, combined with lots of job searching in the past, I've found this to be true.

I understand that there are a LOT of applicants out there right now. I get it. Your desk is nearly toppling with all the applications. Woe is you. I can feel a (very) small bit of sympathy because you have to go through thousands of applications to choose the right candidates to interview. And that's fine. When I send a job application into the internet world (because that is the only way to do it now), I don't expect anything in response.

However, when I do happen to make it beyond the pile, I start to expect just a tiny amount of...you know...respect. Just a little common courtesy. But that seems to be too much to ask. Normally, I'll get a call - usually by someone in HR. If I happen to make it past that stage to the interview, it takes me time, scheduling, babysitting, dressing up, preparation and some nerves to make it into their office. They take the time out of their day to meet me and ask me lots of questions. And then?

I follow up with a thank you. And then?

I don't hear anything. So I follow up again (usually just a quick email - hey, just checking in - type thing). And then?

I still don't hear anything. So I put it out of the my mind. And then?

Sometimes weeks, sometimes months later, I may get an automated email. "Sorry," it reads. "We found someone else." And that's the best case scenario.

Because the majority of the time -- I get nothing. No call, no email, no response. And really? I think that's just plain rude.

It all goes back to supply and demand. There's plenty of supply right now and not much demand. But is that really an excuse to drop basic manner and kindness? Would it really kill you to take 60 seconds to just let me know that I'm not getting the job? I'm not asking you to even talk to me. Just send me an email. Because eventually (well, I sure hope so), things are going to turn around. The economy will get better and you might need people like me. And I might not want to talk to you anymore. Or, guess what? Things might not improve and that person that couldn't give me two minutes of time to let me down easy might find themselves in the same predicament. And then they will see how it feels to be treated like your time and energy means nothing.

So for anyone on the hiring end these days, I ask you to just consider that there is a person on the other end of that application. And they are worth the time to be polite.

Thank you for listening.

Best of both worlds?

I recently booked a freelance writing job with a local university. I didn't even go after the work, I was referred by an old work acquaintance, so it was even more of a surprise that after nearly a year, something finally worked out. The job is only temporary, writing a series of articles for a publication. It should last about 5 weeks of 10-15 hours per week. I am very excited for this opportunity, and I think it would be awesome to do this kind of work for good. The pay is good, the hours are flexible, and its something I really enjoy.

Today I conducted my first interview and my day felt like the best possible mix of being a mom and being a writer. I dropped Big A off at preschool in the morning and met a friend for a playdate with Little A. We picked Big A up from school, came home and had lunch and the girls went up for a nap/quiet time. I prepared for my interview and my mother in law came over for kid duty so I could conduct the interview. Driving off dressed in real people clothes with a purpose, I felt great. It felt good to get a break from mommyhood and use my brain for a while. It was also a step outside my comfort zone since I interviewed a doctor -- and a chief of surgery at that. I was a bit intimidated, but he turned out to be so nice and smart and I felt like I got great information for my article.

I drove home and stopped at the grocery store for a few things, then home to make dinner and finish off my night. I'll use the next couple naptimes/nighttimes to write the article.

Of course, this works because I have wonderful grandparents who are retired and willing to help me with babysitting. But if this type of work took off, I could always pay a babysitter if I had to. I can see the downsides being that it takes away your free time and can get a little overwhelming at times if you took on too much. But at a steady pace, I think it would be the perfect job for a mom. I guess we'll see what happens after the 5 weeks are up. For now I'm enjoying wearing another hat and stepping gingerly over the fence again.

When mommy has a tantrum

I've debated over sharing this episode on the blog, but in the spirit of telling it like it is and let's be honest, getting a laugh, I've decided - why not?

So it was Tuesday, dance class day. Big A was relaxing on the couch while Little A napped. I started prepping her for what was to come. "Almost time for dance class!" I said brightly. "No, I'm too tired," she whined back. "No you're not, you'll be fine!" (still brightly). Patented Big A picklepuss face. "I'm.too.tired." She dug her heels in. But so did I.

"Okay fine," I said in a moment of (perceived) mommy-brilliance. "If you're too tired for dance, I guess you need a nap." Not the "n" word. Anything but that. "No, I don't WANT a nap," she screamed. Little A was stirring on the monitor. "Let's go up and get changed," I said. "NO, I'm not going," she screamed. "Fine then you're taking a nap." We continued this argument as we went upstairs and she FINALLY agreed to go to dance class. I got out her leotard and told her to come put in on.

Stomp. Attitude. Stomp. Picklepuss face. Stomp. She stomped her foot into the leotard and something in me snapped. "That's it!" I screamed. "You will NEVER dance again. Your dance career is OVER!!" I ripped the leotard off and left the room, slamming the door behind me. I was so mad I was shaking. I got Little A and took her downstairs. Big A was crying.

We got downstairs and sat on the couch. "Abby crying?" Little A asked. "Yup." I said. I started to cool down. The mintues ticked by. I'm 34 and she's 4, I thought to myself. I paid for these lessons. She's not getting her way. She's going to dance.

I ran back upstairs and swung her door open. "Get dressed, we're going to dance." She stared at me and did what I said. Smart girl.

We got to the Y, she took her dance class. She came skipping out to show me her rainbow sticker. "Mom, I got the pink rainbow, just like I wanted!" she screamed. We left the Y.

"Mom?" she said.

"Yes?"

"Can I keep taking dance classes forever?"

Cue me slamming my head into the steering wheel. "Sure honey, no problem."

(And let me also say that replaying myself screaming "You'll never dance again" is pretty much worth this whole stressful episode. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.)

Fall in pictures

I really love the change of seasons. The excitement in the air, the new clothes, the new activities, the new routines. And fall especially feels like a new beginning, the chance to start fresh. And let's not forget pumpkin -- pumpkin coffee, pumpkin pie, pumpkin pie with coffee...you get the idea. We've had a lot of fun so far this fall and are looking forward to more. Here are a few highlights of our past few weeks.

To celebrate the end of summer, we spent Labor Day weekend at the beach house. We had so many great beach times this summer, it was kind of bittersweet to know the summer was ending. We will be making some fall visits though, so at least we had that. We also got to celebrate my nephew's 1st birthday and Little A's 2nd birthday (again!) with a monkey-themed birthday bash. Lots of fun with the monkey theme!

After Labor Day, it was time for Big A to start preschool! We've had a couple of rough mornings, but she is starting to settle in and make some new friends. She is really enjoying all the crafts, stories and play time. I am really proud of her.

To commemorate September 11th, our neighborhood lights luminaries in front of each house. We took a family walk to look at the lights and were joined by lots of our neighbors. It was really nice to see the community coming together and even though the girls didn't really understand, I think they liked being a part of something like that.

On September 14, Jay and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. We enjoyed a delicious gourmet dinner and reminisced about the years gone by (we've actually been together for 15...omg) and toasted to more to come.

And finally, we made our first visit to the apple orchard. Our visit coincided with apple week at Big A's school so it was perfect timing. The girls were very excited. We went with some good friends and had a nice time picking apples, playing on the playground and eating lunch. I'm sure we will be back for pumpkins.

Big A and I made apple crisp and applesauce from our pickings and decided to institute cooking Sundays in our house. We'll see how long this lasts. She wants to make pumpkin pie this week which could be bad for my waistline. I'm learning just as much as she is in this adventure.

Happy Fall everyone!

Guilty

One of the biggest misconceptions I had as a working mom, was that we owned the market on motherly guilt. After all, working moms are the ones "missing out" on so much of their kids' days. SAHMs were right there, what would they have to feel guilty about? Ha! I think I've felt more guilt as a SAHM than I ever did as a working mom.

Take today. Big A threw the world's biggest tantrum about going to school. I felt guilty. After all, I had debated for weeks about whether to sign her up for 3 or 5 day preschool (WHY do they even offer a choice??). I initially went with 3, then switched to 5 after rationalizing that the transition to full-day kindergarten would be easier, AND most of all, that the transition to daycare if/when I went back to work would be easier this way. I stand by my decision, but I definitely wondered today whether I was doing the right thing. Was I torturing my poor defenseless baby by forcing her to go to big bad school? Just yesterday I was telling her how proud I was of her for being such a great "student" and now this. How did things change so fast?

At the end of the day (the long, mostly sucky day), things turned out fine and she said she likes school again. But then we had dance class and she complained about that too. I felt guilty again - was I overscheduling her and forcing her to do things she didn't want to do? I've followed the "rule" about just one activity at a time and she loves to dance, but yet here I was feeling guilty again.

Then there was back to school day, where I realized I had failed as a parent yet again because my 4 year old has never used a computer. In this day and age, this makes her already eons behind. J and I checked out the literature on "Computer Tots" class. $45/month for a weekly computer class? Was Bill Gates teaching the class? We decided we'd make an effort to teach her at home. But once again I was feeling inadequate.

But now I wonder, are our expectations too high for our kids these days? Why do we expect a TODDLER who has only been speaking in sentences and using the toilet for a matter of months to know how to use a computer, speak Spanish, play soccer, dance a recital and be an Olympic-caliber swimmer?? Please don't get me started on swimming, since I'm pretty sure Big A is the only 4 year old in the state who can't swim yet. Sigh.

Even on a daily basis I feel guilty for not always being present with my kids. Yes, sometimes I just want to veg out on the computer and not play Barbies. So sue me. I know logically that its good for kids to play independently and yada yada. But I still feel guilty. I also feel guilty that my house is not spotless, and that I somehow find time to watch The Real Housewives and Bachelor Pad. Shouldn't I have better things to do? Frankly, I'm too busy feeling guilty to know what to do first. Guess I should go practice piano with my 2 year old so she's not behind too.

I remember

As the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is here, I have mixed emotions. Part of me feels like I don't have the right to express my sorrow, because I did not lose anyone personally. Part of me feels extreme sadness for all those did. And part of me tries to make sense of the whole thing, and wonders how to explain it to my kids.

On September 11, 2001, I was working in the heart of Washington, DC at a boutique public relations firm. We had lots of tvs around, and we started to hear murmurs about a plane crash in New York City. More tvs and news websites were pulled up and we began to slowly understand the magnitude of what was happening. We gathered into a conference room and watched history unfold in real time. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

As time went on, there were murmurs about leaving the office. Everyone was scared and didn't know how they would get home. Some were afraid that the metro would be another terrorist target. We debated a cab, but in the end, a friend and I boarded the metro. It was a scary ride, and when we emerged my friend asked if I wanted to go shopping. I brushed her off, not sure if she understood the full seriousness of the situation. Then I went home to huddle around the tv. I know I cried a lot over the next weeks as the damage was assessed.

And then, as it does, life went on. I attended my sister in law's bachelorette party a few weeks later, and remember the crowd in the bar stopping to sing the national anthem spontaneously. I remember that J and I chose to not attend their second wedding in England a month later because we feared air travel. It was a very uncertain time.

On September 11, 2006, we found out we were pregnant with Big A. I remember thinking that a very good thing was happening on a very bad day.

And today, 10 years later, I watched the news coverage of the memorials and Big A climbed on my lap and asked what I was watching. I explained in very basic terms that we were remembering when some very bad people hurt a lot of people in our country. She looked at the tv, at the grim faces of some soldiers. "Are those the bad people, Mommy?" she asked. "No, I told her. They are just sad today."

That's all she needs to know for now. Each year, she will learn more about that day, and I will tell her about my own memories. I can only pray that she never has to experience something like that in her lifetime.

Taco Tuesday and other food fights

Big A threw a taco across the dining room table.

Yes, you read that right. It was Tuesday and out of original meal ideas, I resorted to "Taco Tuesday." This has actually been a rare family-pleasing meal in our house but this particular Tuesday, Big A was not in the mood for Mexican. "This is disgusting," she yelled. "I"m not eating dinner." With that, she got sent to her room. I called her back down and after some back and forth she conceded to eating a taco...until she discovered that I had put *MEAT* into said taco. That's when she picked it up and whirled it across the table. The taco seemed to slide in slow motion, lettuce and meat trailing out behind it.

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to laughed, part of me wanted to smack her and part of me wanted to just run away to a land where I didn't have to force feed little people three times a day. I sent her back to her room until J came home. I was spent. How do you really follow up a flying taco?

As a person to whom cooking does not come easy, it is especially frustrating to hear I don't like that, that's disgusting, and I'm not eating that night after night. Its enough to make me want to throw up my hands, toss a bag of cookies onto the table and call it a day.

Tonight I made a very basic dinner -- baked chicken, microwave steamed veggies and cous cous. It actually went over quite well and both girls particularly loved the cous cous, one of my personal favorites. "I should make this more often," I thought naively. Until I looked across the table...which I could barely see for the tiny little cous cous seeds littering the entire thing. Did you know that cous cous crumbles into a sticky paste when you try to wipe it up with a damp cloth? Yup, it does. I'll never make that again. And off goes yet another food I can feed the kids.

I know many people are of the "The kids will just eat what we eat and learn to eat a variety of food" school of thought. And this admittedly sounds good in theory. But when your normal pre-kids food was a sandwich or a Lean Cuisine, that school pretty much goes out the window. So I'm left with trying to wrack my brain each week. What can I make that's not disgusting? Yes, that is my low standard. It also can't be spicy. Or have any cheese other than the "mac" variety. It can't be fried more than once a week. It can't have mushrooms. Or tomatoes. It can't be mashed potatoes. It can't be red meat. It can't be in the form of a sandwich. It can't be of a pasta variety other than spaghetti or rotini (and that gets moans too). So yeah. We end up with a lot kid food. Spaghetti. Mac n' cheese. Ham slices. Fruit. Chicken and fish nuggets (just can't tell them its fish), cucumbers with ranch dressing. Yes, I know, it sounds real appetizing around here, doesn't it?

Add to this the fact that I have to go through this rigamarole three times a day and there you have one of my least favorite parts of being a parent. When I think back to the thousands of meals my mom prepared during my childhood, I can only say one thing: I now understand why old people never cook. They're damn tired of it.

Frumpy

I was getting ready to leave the house for a hair appointment tonight when J said, "You're wearing that?"

I looked down. Black sweat pants. A blue t-shirt. Flip flops. "Um, yeah," I said.

"Are you getting a haircut or going to karate class?" he followed up with. Hardee har har.

As I left the house, still wearing my sweats, I realized I had reached a new low. Who goes to a hair salon in sweats? Well...me. To my credit, I had been wearing a suit earlier in the day (interview #546) and had come home to a rainy afternoon with the kids. Comfort ruled. But the fact that my momiform has pretty much taken over my life is pretty sad. Folks, I've hit fashion bottom.

Not only was I wearing sweats but I was using a coupon to get my hair cut. Luckily, I hit it off with the stylist and she looked beyond my clothes to give me a smooth, shiny new 'do. Looking in the mirror after my haircut and some good Kardashian gossip (food for the soul), I resolved that its time to put a little more effort into myself. I bought the miracle hair product she recommended and scheduled my next appointment then and there. Then I came home to bathtime and bedtime. The girls looked at me with wonder. Big A patted my hair all through bedtime. "Is it going to be this soft tomorrow, Mommy?" she asked. "I hope so," I answered. "I'm going to try."

Yup, I'm going to try.

An acrobat...and a bratty brat

We are down to the last week of summer before Big A starts preschool! She will be going five mornings per week from 9-11:30 and I think it will be a nice change for all of us. Its been a great summer, but we're ready to change up the routine. While Big A is in school, Little A and I will keep busy with storytimes, the gym and a play group. Big A also starts back in a ballet/tap class next week. I am a person that loves to be busy, so I'm looking forward to all of this.

In the meantime, Little A has only been 2 for a few days and she's already fast-tracked her life...by climbing out of her crib yesterday during naptime. I heard a "thud" and then cries and ran upstairs to find her on her floor dazed and confused by her own prowess. I turned her crib around so the higher side is now on the outside and took off the bumper that she used for leverage. But that's just a quick fix until we can get our acts together and transform her crib into a bed. I'm not quite ready for this, but I guess I have no choice.

She also didn't nap again today and I'm really scared this means the end of her nap for good. This one I am *really* not ready for, so I'm praying that once we get the bed situation settled, she'll nap again. Big A napped until she was 3 and a few months, so this would be super early to give up the nap.

I was telling J's mom about Little A's antics and she laughed and told me that J used to climb out of his crib too. That's when it dawned on me...I'm raising J. Well, actually 2 J's. That's a scary thought.

Then another scary thought dawned on me...I'm also raising myself in the form of Big A. Oh my lord, there has never been a moodier 4 year old on earth. Today she literally told me off when she discovered I had thrown away some stickers. You would have thought I had killed Elmo or something by her reaction. After getting told off by my 4 year old and trying not to laugh, she took the brattiness to a new level by telling me she didn't like me and I was mean. I sent her to her room and then Little A came up to me and said "Abby doesn't like you?"

I am so doomed.

Birthday baby

On my baby girl's last night as a 1 year old, I rocked her in the glider in her nursery. We did her favorite flash cards and she recited the name of each item and then stuffed it back in the box methodically. "Cat. Me-ow. Mommy's keys. Baby - that me." I read her a book and then finally turned out the light. I wanted to rock her for a while, but she pointed to her crib insistently and I placed her in. She assumed her position - butt in the air, no blanket and I crept out.

By next year at this time, she'll be in a bed. The lamb nursery will make way for a more grown-up purple and yellow quilt. The changing table might be used for something other than diapers. Instead of peacefully laying down, she might be begging me to stay for one more story. The same way I want to beg time to stop for just a little while. To let my baby stay a baby for just a little longer.

Of course, Little A hasn't really been a baby since she was perhaps 6 months old. She laughed in the face of babydom and quickly skipped on to toddlerhood. She's been keeping me on my toes ever since. Yesterday in the car I actually heard her say "Oh my G-d" on her own volition. I did a double-take than just laughed. Typical.

She has quickly mastered the art of taunting her older sister. I can't count the number of times I've had to say "Little A, leave your sister alone." I can count that its been MANY more times than I've said the same thing to Big A. Despite being a bit of a bully, she is not a drama queen. She is laid-back like J, taking things in stride. Sure, she'll cry if something bothers her, but she quickly gets over it and doesn't hold a grudge. Just tonight, she fell off the bed in the guest room while playing "dance party" with her sister. Unfortunately, she caught her eye area on a plastic bin and got pretty scraped up. After some initial crying, she simply stopped and went on with her night unscathed. I hope she can keep this resiliency as she goes through life. She will probably need it to deal with her very dramatic sister...and mother.

I can honestly say that Little A has brought us nothing but joy since she was born 2 years ago. When I think back to that day, I think of how tiny she was and how content. She curled up like a cat for a month or two, then slowly unfurled and got to the business of living. She laughs many times a day and can play independently for hours. She is fond of telling me that she loves me this much with arms open as wide as she can stretch. Its hard to put into words how much I love my daughter. This much doesn't cover it for me, but its a start.

Happy birthday to the sweetest 2 year old I know. You make our family complete.

Waxing nostalgic

Birthday time always makes me nostalgic and as Little A's 2nd birthday quickly approaches, I can't help but think back to her babyhood and how quickly it all goes. At her second birthday party this past weekend, I snapped a photo of the girls on the couch in the same position as I did at her 1st birthday party a year ago. Then I remembered a picture I'd taken when she was just born...without further adieu, here is how quickly two years can go by:

It's amazing to me how Little A has grown in size by nearly 5 times in 24 months. And how she has gone from a tiny little sleeping baby to a spunky, smart 2 year old who has lots to say. One thing that hasn't changed? How sweet she was then and still is now. And Big A - well, she has done her fair share of change herself. At 2, she was shy and clingy, a true mama's girl. Now? Although she still loves her mama, she is loud, crafty, girly and creative. I can't wait to see the changes to come this next year.

Girly girls

We had a decidedly girly week last week, and it was a blast. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have boys, but I can never really picture it. I think I was meant to have little girls.

Big A finished her dance camp with the cutest recital I've ever seen in my life. Here's a little snippet:

In one week of just 2 hour sessions per day, they choreographed four numbers complete with outfit changes. Here's another photo from the performance...my camera crapped out after these pictures so the quality is not great.

The next week, we met one of my best friends and her daughter for a big girl tea and shopping. Here's the two of us at the tea. This is one of the first photos where I actually see a resemblance between us:

And finally, we used a discount certificate I had purchased a few months back to get the girls "mini makeovers." Frankly, it was ridiculous and I was a little embarrassed to be getting my 2 year old's make-up done, but it was also a bunch of girly fun.

Hmm, no wonder J wants to get a stinky male dog. There is a lot of girl going on in our house!

What if your parents blogged about you?

Every once in a while, I think about how much things have changed in our world with technology. Most of it I love - hello, Facebook addict right here - but some of it gives me pause. For example, its hard to imagine my parents blogging about me and my sister and brother as babies/toddlers although I sure would love to look back on that! Our kids are going to have such incredible journals of their childhoods, maybe even more than they want to know. And to a point its great...but when does that point end?

Am I still going to be blogging when my girls are teenagers? "Big A got her period today. I'm so happy for her!" That would have been cause for mortal embarrassment when I was a teenager, and I can't imagine that it would be any different today. And somehow, someway, I'm sure my kids' friends would find the blog, and I couldn't bear to be responsible for my children's social downfall. It will be bad enough that I even exist when they're teenagers, if I remember correctly.

I'm guessing I'll know when its time to shut down the old blog. Maybe when they are old enough for their own e-mail addresses, I'll go back to having my own life and not just recording theirs. Until then, I'll continue to share all the cute, embarrassing and small details that I can.

Like how the girls said "I love you" to each other tonight and held hands to go brush their teeth. And then pretended to be cats and crawled around on the floor. That almost overshadowed the complete meltdown of a "walk" we took earlier which ended with me carrying a screaming Little A under my arm while several of my neighbors no doubt called CPS on me. On second thought, do I really want that little ditty to be something my girls can read in 30 years? Hmm....

Looking back

Last night I was taking a walk with Little A while J took Big A for a spin on her bike. Little A was pushing her little pink stroller and as usual, taking FORever to make her way down the sidewalk. She kept stopping to fix her baby, look at dirt and pick up sticks. A few houses down from ours, a neighbor pulled into her driveway and an older lady got out of the car. She came to talk to us for a minute and as she was leaving made a comment about how long it was taking us. "It takes us an hour to get around the block," I said. And then she said something that gave me pause. "I remember those days. Can't say I miss them."

What? Usually older people seem to look at me with a mixture of longing and nostalgia, so it was kind of odd to hear her say she'd been there, done that, and didn't really miss it. I could kind of see her point, as she got to go into her house and do whatever she wanted while I was travelling down the sidewalk at .1 miles per hour. It kind of shook the thought that often gets me through a day - that I should cherish this time because some day I would miss it. How strange to think that one day I might actually be glad to pass the reigns over and enjoy my own free time. Kind of nice actually, as it's a heavy load to carry to try to make sure you're not squandering precious moments whenever you turn your back.

I guess what I took away from this encounter is that yes, you should enjoy all the moments, but its also okay to look toward the future sometimes and dream about what you might do with all that free time. I'm sure there will be times when I look back and wish I could relive these days, but I also hope there are more times when I'm getting to do cool things (not sure what) that I wouldn't have the time for now.

I might start looking at older people a little differently now. That's probably not longing in their eyes - it might just be them laughing to themselves and being glad that its me, not them.