Fake it till you make it?

I had a job interview today and it didn't seem to go well. It was one of the first interviews that I actually received feedback during the interview, which I really appreciated, but since it wasn't all positive feedback, it doesn't give me much hope either. The interview was for a job at a Big Bank. I think we all know I am probably not the Big Bank type, but I wanted to give it a shot.

Interviewer (let's call him "Ed") kept prodding me about having disagreements at work and how I would handle it. I'm really not a confrontational person, especially in a work setting, so it was tough to think of examples. In his feedback, he told me that the work environment there was "tough" and they dropped a lot of "F bombs" and he wasn't sure I would be able to handle it. I told him I was fine with people using "F bombs" but I'd probably just sit back and laugh, not join in. He smiled at that answer, but it probably didn't showcase the agressive personality he was looking for.

Ed also asked me why specifically I wanted to work at Big Bank and honestly, this was a tough one for me to answer. Was I supposed to say I loved Big Bank and had always been a fan? Let's face it, the job description looked okay so I applied....something I do multiple times a week. I don't own any Big Bank t-shirts or belong to the fan club or anything.

When the interview took a more personal turn, things got a lot better. We chatted easily about our kids, the beach and where we lived. I felt like I was actually being my real self as we talked. Which just goes to show that I'm trying to be someone I'm not with this job interview. On the other hand, its not like I'm in the position to hold out for my dream job at this point. Its a real struggle, but unfortunately, I think that my true feelings must come out more than I intend them to.

On the plus side, he did tell me that I was one of only 2 external candidates selected for an interview out of a huge stack of resumes. That's flattering, although second place only gets you so far.

At the end of the day, its very likely that I won't be getting this job. And that's okay. Its probably not the one for me anyway. Let's just hope that one of these days I'm able to be my true self and get the job.

p.s. I am actually having little daydreams about sending a thank you letter in gangster tough guy speak - you know, to show him I'm no lightweight. Maybe even throw in a "F bomb" or two.