Guilty

One of the biggest misconceptions I had as a working mom, was that we owned the market on motherly guilt. After all, working moms are the ones "missing out" on so much of their kids' days. SAHMs were right there, what would they have to feel guilty about? Ha! I think I've felt more guilt as a SAHM than I ever did as a working mom.

Take today. Big A threw the world's biggest tantrum about going to school. I felt guilty. After all, I had debated for weeks about whether to sign her up for 3 or 5 day preschool (WHY do they even offer a choice??). I initially went with 3, then switched to 5 after rationalizing that the transition to full-day kindergarten would be easier, AND most of all, that the transition to daycare if/when I went back to work would be easier this way. I stand by my decision, but I definitely wondered today whether I was doing the right thing. Was I torturing my poor defenseless baby by forcing her to go to big bad school? Just yesterday I was telling her how proud I was of her for being such a great "student" and now this. How did things change so fast?

At the end of the day (the long, mostly sucky day), things turned out fine and she said she likes school again. But then we had dance class and she complained about that too. I felt guilty again - was I overscheduling her and forcing her to do things she didn't want to do? I've followed the "rule" about just one activity at a time and she loves to dance, but yet here I was feeling guilty again.

Then there was back to school day, where I realized I had failed as a parent yet again because my 4 year old has never used a computer. In this day and age, this makes her already eons behind. J and I checked out the literature on "Computer Tots" class. $45/month for a weekly computer class? Was Bill Gates teaching the class? We decided we'd make an effort to teach her at home. But once again I was feeling inadequate.

But now I wonder, are our expectations too high for our kids these days? Why do we expect a TODDLER who has only been speaking in sentences and using the toilet for a matter of months to know how to use a computer, speak Spanish, play soccer, dance a recital and be an Olympic-caliber swimmer?? Please don't get me started on swimming, since I'm pretty sure Big A is the only 4 year old in the state who can't swim yet. Sigh.

Even on a daily basis I feel guilty for not always being present with my kids. Yes, sometimes I just want to veg out on the computer and not play Barbies. So sue me. I know logically that its good for kids to play independently and yada yada. But I still feel guilty. I also feel guilty that my house is not spotless, and that I somehow find time to watch The Real Housewives and Bachelor Pad. Shouldn't I have better things to do? Frankly, I'm too busy feeling guilty to know what to do first. Guess I should go practice piano with my 2 year old so she's not behind too.