On being a man

There's something I've noticed about men, especially since becoming a parent, that really makes me mad: They don't support each other as fathers.

(There are going to be a lot of generalizations in this post, okay? I know this doesn't apply to all men!)

Yesterday, J and I were at a wedding. An older man, with grown kids of his own, asked J if he wanted to golf the next day. J answered that he already had plans to go to the zoo with the family. It was as if he had told the funniest joke in the book. Laughter ensued followed by plenty of ribbing and jokes about him being "whipped." "You're choosing the zoo over golf?" the man pestered, and it really got to me. Really? This guy had kids of his own - has he really forgotten how special family time is? Or did he just always choose golf over spending time with his own family? Would it really have killed him to just say "Cool, next time"? For what its worth, I happen to know that his relationship with his children is estranged - wonder why?

As I started thinking about it, I realized that women would never do that. I can't imagine asking a friend to make plans and then giving her grief if she told me that she had plans with her family. Of course not, I would say great, have fun, we'll make other plans. Just like that guy should have.

Men should not be embarrassed about spending time with their families. That is part of choosing to become a husband and a father. If they could be more supportive of each other, kids would really benefit. I know that my own girls adore time with their dad. They laugh WAY more than they do with me. Its a different kind of relationship, but one that is special and necessary.

It brings me back to the whole "dad as babysitter" notion that floats around. Nope, dads, its not babysitting, its called parenting, try it sometime.

I just hope that more men can be proud of their families and not think its something to hide or rib their buddies about. Own it, men. Because otherwise? You're just a boy, no matter how old you are.