Last dance

Big A has decided she doesn't want to take dance class anymore. I told her that was fine and asked her if she wanted to choose a different activity. She chose arts and crafts, and luckily we were able to find a class at the Y to sign up for which will start next week. So today was her last mini "recital" from her tap/ballet class. She had a nice cheering crowd for her last dance. She may go back to dance at some point, but if not, that's okay too. As long as she is involved and excited about something, I'm happy. Plus, you know, she's only 4.

I think as a parent, you sometimes want your child to either do the same things you did OR you want them to do the things you never could. Well, unfortunately, I have NO athletic genes in my family so I never played any sports. Instead I did drama, student council and the student newspaper. I had a great experience, but I do sometimes wish I could have experienced the camraderie of a team sport. J on the other hand is Mr. Athletic and wants her to play basketball, softball, tennis, golf, swimming and probably wrestling too. Sometimes at night, he tells her to dream of sports and she tells him she's going to dream about princesses, fairies and Barbies. It will be very interesting to see which side of the gene pool wins. Although neither one of us excels at art, so it looks like she may be carving her own path. I'm looking forward to watching her experience what life has to offer and making her choices.

A few pictures of the last dance...

On being a man

There's something I've noticed about men, especially since becoming a parent, that really makes me mad: They don't support each other as fathers.

(There are going to be a lot of generalizations in this post, okay? I know this doesn't apply to all men!)

Yesterday, J and I were at a wedding. An older man, with grown kids of his own, asked J if he wanted to golf the next day. J answered that he already had plans to go to the zoo with the family. It was as if he had told the funniest joke in the book. Laughter ensued followed by plenty of ribbing and jokes about him being "whipped." "You're choosing the zoo over golf?" the man pestered, and it really got to me. Really? This guy had kids of his own - has he really forgotten how special family time is? Or did he just always choose golf over spending time with his own family? Would it really have killed him to just say "Cool, next time"? For what its worth, I happen to know that his relationship with his children is estranged - wonder why?

As I started thinking about it, I realized that women would never do that. I can't imagine asking a friend to make plans and then giving her grief if she told me that she had plans with her family. Of course not, I would say great, have fun, we'll make other plans. Just like that guy should have.

Men should not be embarrassed about spending time with their families. That is part of choosing to become a husband and a father. If they could be more supportive of each other, kids would really benefit. I know that my own girls adore time with their dad. They laugh WAY more than they do with me. Its a different kind of relationship, but one that is special and necessary.

It brings me back to the whole "dad as babysitter" notion that floats around. Nope, dads, its not babysitting, its called parenting, try it sometime.

I just hope that more men can be proud of their families and not think its something to hide or rib their buddies about. Own it, men. Because otherwise? You're just a boy, no matter how old you are.

Fake it till you make it?

I had a job interview today and it didn't seem to go well. It was one of the first interviews that I actually received feedback during the interview, which I really appreciated, but since it wasn't all positive feedback, it doesn't give me much hope either. The interview was for a job at a Big Bank. I think we all know I am probably not the Big Bank type, but I wanted to give it a shot.

Interviewer (let's call him "Ed") kept prodding me about having disagreements at work and how I would handle it. I'm really not a confrontational person, especially in a work setting, so it was tough to think of examples. In his feedback, he told me that the work environment there was "tough" and they dropped a lot of "F bombs" and he wasn't sure I would be able to handle it. I told him I was fine with people using "F bombs" but I'd probably just sit back and laugh, not join in. He smiled at that answer, but it probably didn't showcase the agressive personality he was looking for.

Ed also asked me why specifically I wanted to work at Big Bank and honestly, this was a tough one for me to answer. Was I supposed to say I loved Big Bank and had always been a fan? Let's face it, the job description looked okay so I applied....something I do multiple times a week. I don't own any Big Bank t-shirts or belong to the fan club or anything.

When the interview took a more personal turn, things got a lot better. We chatted easily about our kids, the beach and where we lived. I felt like I was actually being my real self as we talked. Which just goes to show that I'm trying to be someone I'm not with this job interview. On the other hand, its not like I'm in the position to hold out for my dream job at this point. Its a real struggle, but unfortunately, I think that my true feelings must come out more than I intend them to.

On the plus side, he did tell me that I was one of only 2 external candidates selected for an interview out of a huge stack of resumes. That's flattering, although second place only gets you so far.

At the end of the day, its very likely that I won't be getting this job. And that's okay. Its probably not the one for me anyway. Let's just hope that one of these days I'm able to be my true self and get the job.

p.s. I am actually having little daydreams about sending a thank you letter in gangster tough guy speak - you know, to show him I'm no lightweight. Maybe even throw in a "F bomb" or two.

Topsy turvy TWO

We've hit the "terrible twos" ya'll. Except I'm choosing to refer to it as the Topsy Turvy Twos. I'm saving "terrible" for three if Big A is any indication of what's to come.

Little A, like always, has hit this milestone with a vengeance. One minute, she was my sweet, laid-back little girl, the next she's become a bundle of drama with several new tricks and phrases.

One of these is "I do." Sounds simple enough, but can lead to hours of "fun" as she applies the phrase from everything from putting her shoes on to buckling her own carseat to brushing her teeth. I'm glad she is trying to be independent, but sometimes I just don't want to wait ten minutes for her to mash the two buckles together over and over again. When I finally do it because we have to be somewhere, she fa-reaks out. Yelling, screaming and crying ensue and I've learned to tune most of it out.

Another new trick is the all-out tantrum. I'm talking flailing her body onto the floor with force, screaming and crying and then...she breaks out the roll. The good thing is that usually halfway through the roll she cracks herself up and starts laughing. A nice way to end the tantrum without mommy having to step in.

Yet another habit she has is running. When she runs, she looks like a horse on steroids, its sort of a up and down gallop that gets her nowhere fast. Every once in a while, she likes to stop and "jump" which she has just figured out. She doesn't get much air, but she's pretty impressed with herself.

Its challenging entering a stage like this just when you were lulled into thinking things were getting easy. I guess its all part of that parenting thing keeping you on your toes. Also making this stage hard is that fact that she's just too darn cute. Its so obvious that she's just trying to grow up and figure out the world around her. Just wish she would slow down and let me help her!

Happy anniversary?

So. Today marks one years since I was shown to the door at my last job. Wow. In some ways, it has flown by and in others it feels like that was a whole other world. In some ways, I'm so glad it happened. In others, I'm still in shock that it did.

I can so clearly remember the heart drop when I figured out what was happening in that conference room. The drive home when I called J on my cell to tell him my news. The sunny weather outside when I sat on my deck and called my family. Going inside and writing about it on Facebook (ha!) and then going out to a pre-planned dinner with friends that night feeling like it was all just a dream.

In a lot of ways, the past year has been a gift. I've gotten to spend so much time with my daughters. Time I would otherwise not have had. I've gotten to prove to myself that even though I may not be "cut out" for staying home, I have made it work. I've found things to keep us busy and activities that stimulate the girls. I've gone on countless playdates, played at hundreds of parks, had more girls days than I ever had before. Not every moment was full of joy, but I'm glad I had every one of them.

On the other hand, I can't say that the past year has been all roses. There's been a lot of stress too. We lost an income when our lifestyle was based on two. We lost my healthcare and have medical bills for the first time ever. I have been humbled in a way I had never been before. Because life has always come fairly easily to me. At least when it comes to the big things. So to fall victim to this recession and to have it last this long - well, it has taught me that life doesn't always go as planned. Financially, we're behind where we should be and would have been. I've stayed up more than a few nights worrying about this.

But in the end, the good does outweigh the bad. If you offered me $20,000 to give back all of the time I've had with my family, of course I would say no way. (But if anyone wants to offer me $20,000, I'll take it!)

Summer in October

Sometimes you just get lucky.

That's what happened this weekend when a planned trip to the beach turned out to be a nearly perfect summerlike weekend. My sister, her two youngest kids and Big A, Little A and I spent the weekend soaking up the sun one last time. There is just something about kids at the beach that makes you (and them) happy. They were like puppies lapping up the sun. Here some photographic evidence:

There's nothing like a balloon to bring out a smile.

Little A likes candy like a fat kid likes cake...

Little A and her cousin keeping the peace for once.

Bathing beauties

One for the picture books

Now that we've gotten in one last perfect sunny weekend, I'm ready for some cooler temps. Remind me of that when its snowing and I'm bitching about being stuck inside for days on end.

I'm just gonna say it...

In my months of job searching, applying and interviewing I've come to a basic conclusion. People that have jobs treat those without like crap. Generally speaking of course. But over the course of nearly a year, combined with lots of job searching in the past, I've found this to be true.

I understand that there are a LOT of applicants out there right now. I get it. Your desk is nearly toppling with all the applications. Woe is you. I can feel a (very) small bit of sympathy because you have to go through thousands of applications to choose the right candidates to interview. And that's fine. When I send a job application into the internet world (because that is the only way to do it now), I don't expect anything in response.

However, when I do happen to make it beyond the pile, I start to expect just a tiny amount of...you know...respect. Just a little common courtesy. But that seems to be too much to ask. Normally, I'll get a call - usually by someone in HR. If I happen to make it past that stage to the interview, it takes me time, scheduling, babysitting, dressing up, preparation and some nerves to make it into their office. They take the time out of their day to meet me and ask me lots of questions. And then?

I follow up with a thank you. And then?

I don't hear anything. So I follow up again (usually just a quick email - hey, just checking in - type thing). And then?

I still don't hear anything. So I put it out of the my mind. And then?

Sometimes weeks, sometimes months later, I may get an automated email. "Sorry," it reads. "We found someone else." And that's the best case scenario.

Because the majority of the time -- I get nothing. No call, no email, no response. And really? I think that's just plain rude.

It all goes back to supply and demand. There's plenty of supply right now and not much demand. But is that really an excuse to drop basic manner and kindness? Would it really kill you to take 60 seconds to just let me know that I'm not getting the job? I'm not asking you to even talk to me. Just send me an email. Because eventually (well, I sure hope so), things are going to turn around. The economy will get better and you might need people like me. And I might not want to talk to you anymore. Or, guess what? Things might not improve and that person that couldn't give me two minutes of time to let me down easy might find themselves in the same predicament. And then they will see how it feels to be treated like your time and energy means nothing.

So for anyone on the hiring end these days, I ask you to just consider that there is a person on the other end of that application. And they are worth the time to be polite.

Thank you for listening.