Things that make me feel like a good mom

Of course I think I'm a pretty good mom, but sometimes you just need that little extra reinforcement to feel even better. Lately, I've had a few of these incidents that make me feel like I should wear a "#1 Mom" shirt loud and proud.

-Teen Mom. I love watching this show for a myriad of reasons, but one of the biggest is that it makes me feel like I rock at being a mom. Not only did I make it out of my teens prior to spawning, but I also don't do any drugs (check), don't have any baby daddy drama (check) and don't constantly scream in front of my kids (check). Plus, I know how to change a diaper. Where else could I find such low standards to surpass on a weekly basis?

-Today I took Little A (who is healing well, by the way, just a little limp) to a storytime at a bookstore. When we arrived a woman was getting out of a van with 6 kids about 3-4 years old. I immediately realized it was a home daycare - cool - fieldtrip, right? She proceeded to march the kids into the bookstore, plant them in front of the storytime area, then lounge in a nearby aisle with a Blow-Pop and a huge book with "More ADULT STORIES" on the cover in huge letters. Really? I was blown away. She barely looked up except to comment on my friends' pregnancy and ask how many kids she had. When my friend answered three, she sighed and said "Wow, I can't handle more than 1." Um...okay. Good career choice, then? She later reprimanded one of her charges and told him to sit down or she'd make him regret it. I have to admit, she did have the kids in check, but damn...I felt like a good mom for not having my kid at that daycare. lol

Yeah, I know, it really doesn't take much to make me feel good. Hey, I don't read porn around my kids or take them to the tanning bed, I'm awesome. But seriously, I do often think that compared to a lot of kids in this world, mine are pretty lucky. They have plenty of people who love them, they get told how much they're loved each and every day, and they've never had to wonder where their next meal is coming from. In the grand scheme of things, they (and we) are pretty blessed. So if I sometimes doubt that I'm doing all the right things, at least I know it could always be worse.

Here we go again...

I have been looking forward to this weekend for quite a while. J took the girls to the beach to help his mom with some yardwork and I got some much-needed "me time." I was really ready for a break and some time alone. As much as I looked forward to it, I still got a little choked up as J drove off with the girls. I missed them almost as soon as they were gone.

Still, I made the most of my time alone. I did some solo shopping (okay, more than some), watched Jersey Shore and ate junk food. Today I spent the day with some great friends working on our scrapbooks and drinking mimosas. I was just cozying up to enjoy some internet surfing, when J called to say that he was headed to the ER with Little A...my heart dropped.

Luckily, it was nothing life-threatening. J had gone down the slide with Little A and her foot twisted. She was having trouble putting weight on it and it was a little swollen so he went to get it checked out. They said nothing was broken and put some tape on it as a precautionary measure. We'll follow up with our pediatrician next week.

Um...that's a pj top that she's wearing...another reason mommies are needed. :-)

Sigh...I can't stand not being there when my babies aren't feeling well. Suddenly my "me time" seems a lot less important. However, I know she's in great hands and she'll be back in my arms tomorrow.

I just have to ask - does everyone with kids spend this much time at the ER, or is it just us?

p.s. And as a follow-up to my "nerves" posts, well, I didn't get the job. But hey, that just means more time with my girls. I'm really looking forward to spending some sunny spring/summer days with them. Just no slides for awhile.

Nerves Part Duex

I'll spare you all another picture of my feet/dirty car. Today was a big day that I am glad is over with. You know how when you have something coming up and no matter what you're doing, its always there in the back of your mind and you just can't fully relax? Yeah, that's what I've been dealing with for the last TWO WEEKS. Enough! Now its over and the decision is out of my hands. I really am okay with however this goes, but I just want it to be settled so I can move on one way or the other. Will keep ya'll posted...

Nutritionally speaking

There's a lot to judge about other mothers, and how you feed your child/ren is one of the biggest areas. It starts from the first second the baby emerges - breast or bottle? Everyone seems to want to know, from the doctor (normal) to the random coworker (awkward). It doesn't stop there though. The next phase is solids, and the choices range from homemade (best) to organic (okay) to Gerber jars (sub-par). Beyond just what to feed babies/kids is the question of when. There's been a move toward delaying solids from 3 weeks (our parents) to 4 months to 6 months or later. Soon, we'll be delaying food till 12. Then there comes the eyes on you at the playground as you pull out fruit snacks (the devil) or organic celery sticks shaped like hearts. The school lunchbox comes next - and no one would dare admit that they throw in a Lunchable - nope, its all customized Bento box lunches with flax seed and wheat germ smoothies.
As for me, if you know me or have been reading long, I'm sure you can guess where I stand on the spectrum. I do take pride in the fact that I nursed my girls for a year, but it pretty much goes downhill from there. The idea of making my own baby food was laughable to me, especially as a busy working mother. I can barely make myself food, so why would I want to subject my babies to my cooking before I had to? We went Gerber (or even Target brand) all the way. I loved my pediatrician's low-key take on baby food - he told me not to waste my money on jarred food past the first stage and just mash up whatever we were eating. Of course, I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about pulverizing frozen pizza, so I did stick to baby food for a while longer.

In either case, its not that hard to feed your baby in a healthy manner considering the entire baby aisle filled with jars of fruit and veggies. All of the choices were pretty healthy so I didn't worry too much.

Its the toddler and beyond stage that I find the most challenging. Balancing picky eaters, my lack of cooking ability and a busy lifestyle often results in some not-so-good choices. Consider that my 18-month old can say "m&m's" as if it was the word "cat" and you'll have some clue as to how my kids eat. They love treats, and I use this to my advantage. A Hershey kiss is a pretty good bribe to get Big A to eat a few bites of a semi-healthy dinner. I try to push fruits and veggies and dairy and keep the bad stuff to a minimum but it doesn't always work out that way. I'm not one of those mothers who is afraid of McDonald's every now and then. I mean, if my kid is going to eat two bites of food, it doesn't matter too much if its two bites of chicken and a french fry or an organic burrito, right? And lucky for me, my girls' natural taste buds lead them to make pretty healthy choices all on their own.

Still, I sometimes do feel like I need to make a bigger effort to feed my whole family better. I wasn't the smallest of kids (oink), and I know firsthand how much it sucks to be the chunky kid. On the other hand, I don't want to deny things so much that they become even more tempting or the girls get a complex - there's plenty of time for that. Everything in moderation is what I strive for, although some days we don't quite get there.

It does make me feel better to know that kids' diets should be based on a week, not a meal or even a day. So if one day, they eat m&m's, ice-cream and macaroni and cheese (not that that happened today or anything...), the next day I'll strive for carrot sticks, grapes and string cheese.

Now pass the dip, would you?

I don't want to stay at home, mom

For me personally, stay at home mom is a misnomer. Pretty much my philosophy of being a stay at home parent it to stay busy, and for me, that mostly means out of the house.

I suppose this may be a side effect of working and being used to being out and about each day. Actually staying in the house all day makes me feel like its a sick day. Aside from the few snow storms this winter that trapped us, and a few legitimate sick days, I make sure to leave the house each day without fail.

Surprisingly, this has not been hard to do. Three days a week we have preschool for Big A, and Little A and I will visit the gym and/or run errands. Then there are dance classes, all those free kids activities, and my personal favorite - the playdate.

Ahh, the playdate. As a non-parental adult, getting together with friends usually means going to a movie or out to eat or to a bar. But the playdate makes it much simpler to catch up with friends in a more informal setting, to really talk, maybe have some coffee and just hang out. Of course, there is the added bonus (um...I mean the actual purpose) of getting the kids some socialization and playtime with their buddies. As fun a mom as I think I am, I just don't get much enjoyment out of running around in circles a million times - but luckily, other kids DO. Win win.

And getting to compare notes with other moms is priceless. Sometimes parenthood can feel a bit isolating, so to realize that every mother struggles with the same things (or at least similar things) is reassuring. Its also a great way to pick up tips for how to do things. Or how not to do things. Oh, and to gossip, can't forget that.

I really should thank my kids for opening up a whole new social world for me. Prior to motherhood, I struggled to make new, local friends after moving back to my hometown. I found a few luckily, but it was only after becoming a mother that people seemed to come out of the woodwork. I guess motherhood is just the common bond that is needed to break down the barriers of friendship. A few weeks ago, I was on the elliptical at the gym and the woman next to me started up a conversation. Within minutes, we discovered we had children of similar ages and we literally talked non-stop for the rest of our workout. That *never* happened pre-kids. There are also just more opportunities to meet people. I come into contact with such a wide variety of people each day, usually during kid-related activites, and there is always something to make small talk about.

This has honestly been one of the best parts of staying at home for me. I have more time to connect with people on a personal level and more time to develop those friendships. As much as I enjoyed hanging with "Bob" and "Sue" from the office, they were not always the people I would choose to spend my days with if given the option.

The other day, we were on our way home from the children's museum where we had met some friends. Big A asked me from the backseat, "Mommy, why do you like to talk to your friends so much?" I told her I liked to talk to them because it was fun. She considered this for a minute and then said, "Mommy, kids have a lot more fun than grown-ups." I nodded in agreement, but inside I'm not so sure.

The 600 pound mom

No, that's not me (yet).

The other night, J and I were sitting on the couch watching some television. He was scrolling through the channels to record something (likely a sporting event) and it came up as a conflict because two other shows were already recording. One was something semi-normal like Glee or The Bachelor. The other one? "The 600 Pound Mom" on TLC. He looked at me. I looked at him. I looked away. He kept looking.

"Why are you recording a show called the 600 Pound Mom?" he asked.

Silence.

"Was I?" I said.

"Yes, you were. But you're not anymore." He promptly deleted the recording.

I really didn't have much to say. Why WAS I taping a show called the 600 Pound Mom? Was I looking for inspiration? Diet tips? Wardrobe choices?

Really, I just find shows like this fascinating. How does this happen? Why? What's it like? I was just...curious. But kind of embarrassed to be found out.

I never did catch the show so I'm not sure what her story was. I've been too busy keeping up with the Kardashians, poring over the Teen Moms, salivating at Top Chef and laughing at the Jersey Shoreans. What can I say? I really like weird people.

p.s. I just did a google image search for "600 pound mom" to add to this post, but I've decided to spare everyone. O - M - G.

The yellow glider

I'm sure every mom has that one baby item that brings back all the memories of babyhood. For me, its a Fisher Price Soothing Motions yellow glider. I bought it at the recommendation of my sister who was on baby #3 when I had my baby #1. It plays music and sways back and forth and Big A loved it. She would sleep in it for hours at a time as an infant, and we'd place her in it when we ate dinner or needed our hands free (the rest of the time, she was pretty much in our arms).

When Little A came along, we brought out the glider and it made me happy just seeing it in my living room. She loved it just as much as Big A did and spent many hours napping in it as well.

When my sister-in-law had a baby 6 months ago, she borrowed the glider and my little nephew spent some happy hours in there as well. Basically, the yellow glider makes me think of all the good parts of having a tiny baby. The snuggly-ness, the cuteness, the innocence of baby sleep. Just look at my girls in it:

The other day, my mother-in-law dropped off the yellow glider - my nephew has outgrown it. It has been sitting in my living room for the past few days and every time I pass it, I can't help but picture one of my sweet little babies sleeping in it. When Big A was Little A's age, I got pregnant, so maybe its just a biological urge for a new baby. However, unless you're Michelle Duggar (who I love for some weird reason), at some point your last baby has to be your last. And the joy of a cute sleeping baby is not a good enough reason to bring another person into the world. Because when those cute sleeping babies aren't sleeping, they cry and they stay up all night and they cost money and....they're really cute.

Clearly, I need to move the yellow glider to the basement as soon as possible. Or better yet, lend it to another mom so that it can continue its job of rocking babies to sleep - just not my babies.

The power of love

Sometimes my kids drive me crazy. Like bonkers crazy. Apparently, I've been asking for "help" a lot lately. I didn't even notice until Big A asked me who I was asking to help me. Oops.

And then. And then I walk into the room and see this:

And suddenly all of the annoyance flies right out the window.

It always comes back though. Being a mom is pretty much like being in an intense relationship where you fight and then make up, with ridiculous frequency. I had a mini-breakdown this morning wondering why even the littlest things can be such a struggle with young kids. Big A has a flair for the dramatic (to put it lightly). Just getting her dressed can be a battle of epic proportion. For one, she only wants to wear dresses these days. So any day where pants are required, I have to grit my teeth and listen to the screaming protests. And then usually I have to physically wrestle her into the offensive pants. And then I have to spend 10 minutes convincing her that she still looks like a princess. It all sounds charming, right? Well, its not.

Meanwhile, Little A is very into her independence. Which is really great and age-appropriate and awesome. Except when you know, you have someplace to be and really don't have time to watch her feed herself a bowl of Cheerios one circle at a time. Have you ever sat through this? It takes about 29 minutes to get through a quarter cup in case you're wondering. And don't even try to help her out by loading up a spoon with say 4 Cheerios. Not - having - it.

Honestly, these girls are really lucky that I find them so adorable. And that I have such awesome coping skills and patience. Like you know, asking the invisible man in the room for help out loud. And coffee. And wine. And trying to remember that the things that I find so challenging now are really just a drop in the bucket in terms of what is to come. To say I'm scared of finding this out is an understatement.

White shadow

I have a stalker.

Her name is Big A, and she's stalked me for going on 4 years now. She's a little creepy, but also kind of cute.

From the time Big A was in my belly, we had a special bond. As the first-born, she got tons of attention and we were - and still are - very attached. But it goes beyond mere attachment. Big A watches my every move and she notices EVERYTHING. If I buy a new box of tissues, she notices. If I put on a new lipstick, she knows. If I laugh to myself as I'm reading something funny on the computer, she asks me what I'm laughing at. Sometimes when we're eating lunch, I have to tell her multiple times to stop staring at me as I'm eating. If Big A could crawl back inside my womb, I think she would.

Having a stalker is mentally exhausting. I love Big A and I love that she loves me, but sometimes, I just want some SPACE, man. Today we went to a children's museum and she would not leave my side. I kept looking for her because she was so close to me that I literally couldn't see her.

I know I played a part in creating the monster. I was pretty hesitant to give her up in the beginning part of her life. I didn't want to spend a night without her. But as I've grown into motherhood and realized that independence is good for both of us, I've tried to encourage her to go off on her own sometimes.

I used to think that my working must play a part in her clinginess. Maybe she missed me so much when I was gone that she had to get her fill when I was home? Well, being home these past 5 months has proven that theory wrong - and I am glad about that. No matter how many hours per day I spend with her, she's still a stalker.

I am really not sure how to remedy the situation, so most times, I try to make the best of it. Someday, I am sure she will not want to spend every waking moment with me. Someday, she will probably run and hide in her room to get away from me. Someday she will probably say "Mom, get away from me already." And on that day I will probably be really sad.

Until then, I always feel like...somebody's watching me...

Mommy brain

My sister and I have discussed the phenomenon that is "Mommy Brain" in length and we are both convinced its a real thing. I'm almost positive that I have read articles to explain the science of it, but I'm too lazy to look it up, so just take my word for it - somehow when you're a mother, brain cells..um...divert is a good word...to other areas. Imagine managing not just your own life, but the life of one, two, or even more. It only makes sense that there becomes less room for the things you used to know. Here are a few recent examples of Mommy Brain at work in my life:

-It was the perfect storm of nakedness. Get your mind out of the gutter, people, my dad reads this blog! It was a normal Thursday afternoon. Big A went to the bathroom and for some reason came out without clothes on. I convinced her to put her underwear back on at least. Then Little A spilled her snack on herself, so I took off her shirt for damage control. So...there's the scene - two nearly naked kids and the doorbell rings. J often rings the doorbell when he gets home from work, so the girls immediately screamed "Daddy" and ran for the door. Fully expecting it to be J, I swung open the door and came face to face with...a strange lady. She looked at me, looked at my naked kids and her mouth gaped open. "Ha ha," I sputtered awkwardly. "Looks like you caught us at naked time." Um, wow. That didn't make things better. I just named it, as if naked time were a daily occurence in our house. "Come on kids, its naked time, strip down..." She just nodded and then said she was there to collect our neighborhood dues. I invited her to come in while I wrote a check, but she said "No, no, I'll just stay out here so the kids don't get...cold." I quickly ran into the kitchen to write a check, while my naked kids stood at the door and stared at her. She took the check and mortified, I went inside. And then I still didn't get them dressed, so J got to witness naked time. I thought it would make the story better if he could see for himself.

-I was rushing to pick up Big A at preschool one morning, and was halfway out the door, when Little A dropped an atomic bomb. I ran upstairs to change her and we were off. We picked up Big A, came home and ate lunch. I was washing the dishes when Little A came in and kept whining my name. I kept putting her off, "Just a minute Little A" but she wouldn't relent. I looked over at her and she was pulling down her pants...to show me that she didn't have a diaper on. Yes folks, I had my 18 month old out and about for over an hour diaperless. I am really lucky that this one didn't have a shitty ending. Boom bah!

-And finally, the one that makes me laugh the most. I was getting ready for bed the other night, and took off my bra. I noticed something brown and squishy on the inside. What the...? I looked closer and it was a melted Hershey Kiss, wrapper and all. So, how did that get in there? Earlier in the day, the girls were fighting over the candy and I broke up the fight and I suppose I didn't have pockets, so I stashed it in my bra...makes sense, right? I think I actually intended to eat it myself to be honest, but Mommy Brain took over and I forgot all about it...until that night.

Mommy Brain pretty much strikes every day. My favorite Mommy Brain moment for my sister is when we were talking on the phone, and all of sudden, she cut out. A few mintues later, she called me from her cell phone to tell me that the reason it cut out was because she was talking on her house phone in her car and drove away with it. I pretty much laugh every time I think about that one.

I know I have at least a few readers out there, so tell me, what was your latest Mommy Brain moment? Come on, I know you have one!

Work perks

At the risk of making it sound like stay at home'ing is the only way to go, I thought I would list what I see as the perks of being a working mom.

• The paycheck: This one's pretty obvious, but of utmost importance. Working brings in a paycheck, and more importantly, financial security. You can't really put a price on that. With two working parents, there is a safety net if one gets laid off - as we found out firsthand 5 months ago. Working helps you sleep better at night, knowing that money is coming in to pay for the needs - and wants - of life.


• Health insurance: My jobs have all come with pretty damn good health insurance, and I'm afraid I took this rather for granted until we switched to J's insurance. While we are so fortunate to have that option, its just not as good as mine was, and it makes it a lot more stressful when it comes to the inevitable medical situations that arise with two kids. Of course, I will always put my kids' health above money and err on the side of caution, but it still stings when those bills come in.


• Retirement: Personally, I don't want to be working for the rest of my life, so the more I can save for retirement, the sooner I can stop working for good. And of course, the earlier you sock money away, the more time it has to grow.


• Another identity: Work gave me an identity separate from motherhood, one that had nothing to do with wiping butts or breaking up fights (oh wait, maybe working and motherhood have more in common than I thought...). Its nice to lose yourself in an exciting project and get to use your skills...of course, that is on a good work day. The workplace also gives you another cast of characters to share your life with. Every workplace dynamic is different, but I've always managed to make a few great new friends at each job I've had.


• "Me" time: I know, kind of sad to think of work as "me" time, but it really is when you think about it. I remember quite a few Monday mornings when I gratefully sank into my desk chair with a cup of coffee, knowing my kids were well taken care of, and it wasn't by me! The ability to use the bathroom by yourself, go out to lunch, even run an errand unfettered is pretty sweet.


• Setting a good example: I want my girls to be happy with whatever path they choose in life and I loved showing them that as a woman, you really can have it all, just maybe not all at the same time. Case in point, Big A used to say she wanted to be a writer like Mommy when she grew up...now she says she wants to be a Mommy...and a cheerleader. Okay, so maybe I don't have as much influence as I like to think, since I've never picked up a pom-pom. But I do want my girls to know that the world is theirs for the taking and there are no limits to what they can do.

My biggest fear as a working mom was that I was missing out on special moments with my kids. And the truth is, I was, because every moment I spend with my kids is pretty special (well, maybe not every moment). But that doesn't mean that its horrible to work. At the end of the day, every choice in life will have its pros and cons, and one is not better than the other. Working is just necessary for most people, for financial or other reasons, and that's nothing to feel bad about. When I do go back to work (which I will, eventually), I will definitely be looking at this list when I'm feeling down about it. I don't believe in dwelling on the negative, so I will choose to see the positive aspects of working. After all, I assume most men do not feel guilty when they leave their children to go off to work for the day. And women shouldn't either.

Alarmed and dangerous

I realized as I went to bed last night that I haven't used an alarm clock in MONTHS. Wow. Pretty awesome, huh? Its not like I'm loling about in bed all morning, or even sleeping in, but it is pretty nice to not have that buzzer in my ear, jarring me out of a deep sleep too soon.

I don't know if this is a common ability, but if I look at the clock before bed, tell myself a wake-up time and repeat it a few times, 9 times out of 10, I will wake up at that time. So on days when I want to get a shower in before the kids are awake, I "program" my brain for 6:30 a.m. and walla. If I'm heading right to the gym, or feeling lazy, I'll just sleep till the kids get up, which is generally around 7 a.m. Much better to wake up to the pitter-patter of 3 year old-feet as Big A approaches my side of the bed and inevitably says "Mommy, I have to pee" than to wake up to the relentless beep, beep, beep of the alarm clock.

As a working mama, I woke up at 5:45 a.m. and hit the ground running. From the second I got out of bed, until I sat down at my cube at 8:30 (okay, so maybe it was more like 8:40 most days...), I didn't stop. I'd rush to get myself ready, get both girls ready, drive them to daycare and then race back in the other direction to work. By the time I got to my desk, I was often ready to head back to bed. I made do with the coffee machine (and I really do miss the nifty Keurig machine at work).

Now, 3 mornings a week, I have to drop Big A at preschool at 9 a.m. There's a little rushing around as I still have to get three people dressed and fed, but its decidedly more relaxed than before. On the other 2 days, its even better, as I usually aim to make plans starting around 10 a.m. or so. This gives us time to relax and take our time, a total luxury to a working parent.

Some of you may be wondering about where the husband fits into the alarm clock equation. Heh. J is NOT a morning person, so he usually gets up around 7 when the girls wake up. If he has an early meeting, he'll set his cell phone since the alarm is on my side of the bed. Our whole house is getting more sleep these days.

Last night was a perfect example of why staying home is such a great thing with young kids. Little A woke up crying around 3 a.m. and nothing could get her to settle down except to bring her into our bed. I know, a rookie mistake, but its hard to think clearly at 3 a.m. She insisted on sleeping nose to nose with me. I really find it hard to sleep with someone "looking" at me (as my big sister can attest to), so I kept trying to turn around after she fell asleep. The second I did, she would haul herself up, lean over me and scream "Mama, mama?" in my face. I finally gave in and smushed my face into hers, and we slept fitfully. The stars aligned and Big A didn't come in to wake us up till 7:30. If I was working and the alarm had gone off at 5:45, I would NOT have been a very happy camper. I'm kind of a...well, let's just say lack of sleep makes me moody (as do a lot of things). Little A didn't sleep through the night for a full year, so believe me when I say I am quite familiar with sleep deprivation and its not fun.

I snapped this pic of Big A and J a couple years ago...our kids do love our bed.

When it comes to sleep, I have to put the check in the stay at home mom column. Working on little sleep IS harder than being home on little sleep. After all, when was the last time your boss told you it was okay to lay on the couch during a conference call, or take a quick catnap under your desk? My current bosses don't seem to mind if I'm not quite on top of my game. Now if only I could somehow pilfer the Keurig, things would be even better...

Cool mom

I was speeding down the road on the way to the gym. Flying solo which felt like it hadn't happened in weeks. No kids, just me, the window cracked, tunes cranked up. "I came to move, move, move," I sang, turning up the volume, letting it all hang out. I'm cool, I'm hip, I'm....

...stopped at a stoplight, with Kidz Bop 19 turned way up and the person in the next car staring at me like I'm a circus freak. I am SO not cool anymore.