Pretty much anytime my kids ask for something, they get it. Not in a bratty, "give me it NOW" type of way (no way, man), but if we're at WaWa and Big A wants some gum, more than likely she gets it. Or if we're at the supermarket, I let them pick out fruit snacks or cereal.
I didn't think of this as a problem until recently when we were at Target. As I unloaded my cart, I realized that I had gone way overboard in picking things up for the kids. There were Dora and Princess placemats (when we don't even use placemats), Dora and Princess plastic bowls (we have more than enough bowls at home), yogurt with m&m's, pool toys and stickers. I made a comment to the checkout lady about the kids making my trip more expensive. She looked at me and said "Girl, you need to learn to say no."
Damn. Shouldn't the checkout lady WANT me to buy more crap from her store? She went on to tell me she had raised 8 kids and was well-versed in saying no. Well, I thought, that's why I'm only having 2 kids...so I can say yes. I shrugged it off.
Then last night we were at dinner with the girls. There was a display of (free) cookies at the checkout counter so I took the girls up to get one after dinner. Big A said she didn't like those type of cookies and wanted something else. "No," I said. But there was a display of fruit snacks and we both spied them at the same time. "I want those," she said. "Okay, go ask Daddy for a dollar." J looked at me in disbelief. Why was I letting them buy fruit snacks after we had just had dinner and there were free cookies? Who cared if she liked them or not?
This is when I realized that maybe I did have a problem. Maybe I do say yes too much.
Not coincidentally, lately I've been complaining about the fact that my kids (well, really Big A because Little A is too young) seem ungrateful. No matter how much we give them, its not enough. They want what they want when they want it.
And so I'm starting to put the pieces together. How can they not want instant gratification when they always get it? And how can they understand that they're lucky to have what they have, when that is all they know?
So I'm resolving to change. To say no more. To make a treat a treat. To teach my girls that they can't always have everything they want at the exact moment they want it. Its not the most fun lesson to teach. Let's face it, I like making my kids happy. They're pretty cute and convincing. And saying yes is easier. There's less whining. But the easy choice is not always the best, and the hard choice can make things easier in the long-term. I mean, right now it may be chewing gum and fruit snacks, but in a few years it will be pierced ears and designer shoes and whatever else is in fashion. And while of course my kids will not be deprived, I don't want them to expect everything. And frankly, I can't really afford it.
Wish me luck as I embark on this mission. I'm sure I will slip up from time to time. Even with saying no more, I'll probably still be a softie compared to many others. And I'm okay with that. As I'm learning myself, life doesn't always hand you everything. There will be hard times. With any luck, my kids won't have to experience going without for a long time. But I hope they will be grateful for that fact and not take it for granted.
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