The blues

For the most part, I've been pretty upbeat about this whole unemployment thing. I heard and said "everything happens for a reason" many times, and I still believe its true. I've enjoyed being home with the girls and getting a chance to experience a lifestyle I had craved for quite a while.

On the other hand, its impossible to be unemployed for more than 6 months, and not get a little down from time to time. Maybe its just post-vacation blues, but getting back to reality is proving to be a little confusing. My "reality" is very up in the air these days. As much as I am embracing being a stay-at-home mom, in the back of my head, I know it can't be permanent and that keeps me from enjoying it to the fullest. The uncertainty of not knowing what is next can be tough. Unfortunately, we did not build our life on the premise of one income. Of course, if we scrimped and saved, we could find a way to make it work. But I don't think either one of wants that lifestyle.

Lest you think I'm that shallow, its not just the "extras" I'd miss (although I certainly would), but also the non-essential but important things - like saving for retirement, saving for college and just saving in general. With two kids, life can throw you curve balls, and its scary to not have a giant safety net to catch those balls.

We've also been thrown for a loop with health insurance. I always had great insurance, so going on J's has been a true eye opener for us. Remember Little A's foot injury? Thank goodness, she is doing well and walking normally these days. But we also just received a $1,000 bill from the ER visit that definitely made my stomach drop. Of course it figures that in every other year, we've barely used the health care system, and now that we have to pay, it seems like we use it all the time.

I've been applying to jobs pretty steadily over the past 6 months, to no avail. I've probably applied to well over 100 jobs and gotten a handful of phone calls, many rejections, even more non-responses and a few interviews that didn't work out. After a while, you can't help but wonder what's wrong with you. Of course, when we moved back to our home state after we got married, it took me 5 months to fnd a job and that was when times were a lot better and I was more flexible about where I could work (with no kids). Reading the newspaper each Sunday about the unemployment rate just depresses me even more. I am truly glad I have my kids around to give me a purpose while I job hunt. I think being a mom is one of the most important roles in the world -- its too bad it doesn't come with a paycheck.

Anyway, that's enough with the "woe is me" stuff. Most of the time, I feel really lucky to be where I am right now. I still believe that one day I'll look back at this time and be very grateful I had it. I have the rest of my life to work, and my kids are only babies for a little while. If only the bills would understand that, we'd be a-okay.