How did I get here?

My journey to the other side of the fence started when I was just a little girl. Always branded the "bookworm," I sailed through school, graduated college with honors and found myself unsure of where to go from there. I decided to pursue a Master's degree since I knew I loved school and wasn't ready to leave it. From there, I began my career as a communications professional. It didn't take long for me to realize that climbing the career ladder was not going to be my goal in life. Work was a means to an end - a paycheck - for me. Although I enjoyed aspects of it, I wasn't interested in devoting my life to work.

However, I also never really thought of being a stay at home mom - it was the farthest thing from my mind, even after I got pregnant with our first baby. When Big A was born, motherhood slapped me in the face. I became *obsessed* with my perfect little baby. We found a great home daycare and I reluctantly returned to work. After about two days, I realized this wasn't going to work for me. I felt pulled to be at home with my daughter and work seemed even more pointless. Although many urged me to "sleep on it," I quickly drafted up a proposal to work part-time. After a couple of tense weeks, my proposal was accepted!

I spent the first year of my daughter's life working part-time - about 3 days/week. Although it provided a nice balance, I didn't quite know what to do with myself on my at-home days. I felt like I didn't fit into the stay at home world or the working world completely. Then we moved into a bigger house with a bigger mortgage and decided we wanted another child. It became clear that I would need a full-time paycheck to meet this goal.

I found a full-time job and 3 months later, I was pregnant with Little A. We were so anxious to carry out our plan that I ended up giving birth a week before my full year at my job. Luckily, they allowed me to still take FMLA. Going back to work after my second child was a lot less dramatic than the first time around. I still was sad and missed my daughters, but I'd gotten into a routine with work and was feeling pretty good about the balance I had going. My job was flexible and family-friendly. My boss had two young girls of her own, so she was understanding about me coming in late or missing time for doctor's appointments. Things were great. And of course, when things are great, something has to happen.

I was shoveling pudding into my mouth at my desk one regular Wednesday at lunchtime when I got "the tap." I was asked to report to the boardroom. My cube neighbor (who also got a tap) and I walked to the boardroom, laughing and joking. Although we both knew our company was struggling and had often joked that they should put us out of our misery, I don't think we really saw it coming. Until we walked into the room and saw the HR Director and stack of official looking folders. An hour later I was sitting in my house, shell shocked. The life I had was no longer.

At first, I thought things might work out seamlessly. I quickly landed an interview for a promising job. However, when that didn't work out and with the holidays fast approaching, I realized this might be more than a temporary endeavor. So I gave my two weeks notice at the daycare, and prepared for my new job as a stay at home mom.

It's been 4 months now and I've settled in pretty quickly to this new role. I'd often fantasized about what it would be like to stay home, and now I'm getting a chance to find out. This blog will chronicle my experiences seeing if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. With the economy in the tanker, I'm not sure how long this journey will last. But I definitely plan to enjoy the ride.